Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Retro Pro Football Helmet Design Collection

Back when I played football in highschool, if you missed the first week of practice for whatever reason, you'd end up with equiptment leftovers that had about enough chance of protecting you as wrapping yourself in a layer of bubble wrap. Actually - I'd probably take my chances with the bubble wrap in retrospect. Football helmets shouldn't bend should they? Hard to believe that players would wear things like the picture below to try and protect their melons while swarming each other for a ball.
Even ancient galdiators that wiped their butts with leaves knew enough not to go into battle with a piece of leather strapped to their heads and opted for good old fashioned metal to get the job done.
Of course with progess and modern times comes modern materials which ushers in a whole new era of advancements in equipment technology that culminates into the ultimate helmet for the masses. I'd never dream of facing any given Sunday without my trusty helmet.
Click the zesty salsa above to go to a website that offers a histroical perspective on every pro football helmet design from the golden age through to modern times including NFL, CFL, XFL, World Football League and more ! Quite the impressive collection.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Retro Video of The Day - 99 Red Balloons

If there is one thing I could never be accused of is that I am not topical and relevant. I could also never be accused of not liking Cool Ranch Doritos but that has nothing to do with this so I digress.


By now you've all seen and heard of the knucklehead, fame whoring family that have parents that would do anything to get on TV. No - not John & Kate..... no, not Hulk and Hulkette Hogan...... no, not the Lohans....... no, not the "insert useless reality star here". I'm talking about the Heene family that apparantly build giant weather balloons in their spare time when they aren't busy swapping wives on national TV. One of these babies launched yesterday with speculation that one of their soon to be Darwinism victim kids was on board. The kid's real name is Falcon so it kind of was inevitable that at one point in his life he'd try to fly - kind of obvious in retrospect.


The balloon eventually came down without the kid on board so a search was launched to find a pint sized blood splatter somewhere on the Colorado landscape which also launched a media frenzy catapulting this kid and his family into the public domain and making them a household name (or joke) instantly.
Thankfully the kid was found sleeping in the attic of the garage safe and sound. Then they started asking them questions which is when the fun really started and eventually the kid slipped up on CNN and said he did it for the show. I smell either jail time for the family or a bidding frenzy for a new reality show. Knowing how messed up TV programming is lately, don't be surprised if this family ends up with their own cable channel.
We'll never know for sure I guess if this event was legit or all a big reality show production pulling one over on us all. One thing we can all certainly agree on though is underarm hair on women is really gross. Therefore, while viewing the video below for "99 Red Balloons" from Nena, turn your eyes away at the 1:07 mark or you may throw up a little in your mouth if your anything like me. Seriously ladies, don't bother sending emails trying to defend it - not even if you were holding a basket of puppies or snuggling with a baby panda would that be remotely excuseable.



Thursday, October 15, 2009

R.I.P. Captain Lou Albano (1933 - 2009)

Growing up in the 80s, you knew exactly who Captain Lou Albano was. You either knew him as a goofy wrestling manager from the WWF or as Cyndi Lauper's dad in her video for "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". Lou died Wednesday of natural causes in his home at the age of 76. Not something many modern wrestlers can claim.

Lou's wrestling career began in 1953 and only held a couple of tagteam titles in the early days under the mob riddled moniker of "The Scicilians" but he really made his mark and rose to prominance in the "sport" when he managed some well known wrestlers from the 80s including The Russian Bear - Ivan Kolaff, The British Bulldogs, Don Muraco, The Wild Samoans and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine to name a few.

He became forever etched in mainstream pop culture when he appeared in Cyndi Lauper's video as her rather disgruntled father. That ushered in the era of "Rock and Wrestling" which was responsible for making the WWF a household name and also responsible for some of the most hideous music and videos of the era............ it hurts me to even remember that. I'm going to need a moment.
Regardless of what you thought of him, his antics, his rubber band facial piercings (still trying to figure that one out), his wild outfits or his acting skills which included the hit TV show Super Mario Brothers, he did leave his mark in pop culture and is survived by his wife, 4 kids, and 14 grandchildren.






Wednesday, October 14, 2009

You Know You're a Retro Gamer If............

There are some that remain in denial regarding their addiction to retro video games. Even though today's modern games are visually more stunning, more realistic in game play, have award winning soundtracks and possess the ability to suck your brain right out of your melon, there is something about the simple classic games from the golden age of video games that keep you coming back for more.

There are some that prefer the older games over the new ones due to their simplicity and the fact it takes them back and reminds them of simpler times when you fed quarters into a machine in a dingy, smokey arcade rather than save your quarters to finally drop $300 to $500 on gaming consoles. Who are these people? How can you spot them? Look for the following clues. In other words, you might be a retro arcade game junkie if you own..........

Space Invader Ice Cube Trays
No regular ice cubes will do to keep your drinks cool when you're blasting away aliens coming at you or chasing down blue ghosts.



PlayStation 2 Controller Soap Bars
After working up a sweat playing your favorite games, what better way to wipe the retro grime off your body than with soap shaped like PS2 game pads and consoles? Comes in all your favorite colors.


Pac Man Oven Mitts
The cool thing about these oven mitts is that you can actually make the "Num num num num" cookie monster sound while using them which is waaaaay easier than faking the actual sound that Pac Man made while chasing the crack dots around the maze.

Space Invader Cuff Links
Nothing says impeccable style and uber geek at the same time like a set of cuff links shaped like the monster meanies from Space Invaders.


Pac Man Ghost iPod Speaker
Bored of the plain vanilla look of Apple iPod speaker docking stations? Show your retro sense of adventure with a speaker shaped like a ghost meanie from Pac Man. Available in standard Pac Man meanie colors including the cool blue.

Let's face it - even though these things are kind of geeky, your girlfriend will think it's cute right up until she moves in with you and then they will join your beat up comfy couch at the curb on the very next garbage day. Regardless though, you want them..........you really want them.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Retro Ad of the Day - Apple Macintosh

No matter what side of the fence you're on in the PC /Apple battle, one thing you have to admit is that both Apple and Microsoft have always been great marketing rivals with campaigns being fought in battles of epic proportions matched only by the cola wars between Coke and Pepsi and possibly Spud McKenzie for Budweiser and Alex from Strohs......but I digress.

Back in 1984 when Apple launched their new Macintosh during the Superbowl, they hit the ground running with a commercial that took advantage of the whole George Orwell "1984" Big Brother controls you, you need to break free shtick along with a dose of healthy female athlete running without a sports bra angle. Well played Apple........ well played.

The commercial served notice that they would be a force to be reckoned with in the years to come and the battle still wages on. Frankly I could care less and still do the PC thing and respect those that choose the Apple way of life. Wish I could say the same about Apple users though - lighten up already. I'm not ready to be converted so move on already. Life's too short - don't worry, be happy. Can't we all just get along?




Bonus Video !! Wonder if Bill Gates wishes he could take these words back!



Thursday, October 8, 2009

Darth Vader - His Evil Has No Limits

There's evil and then there is unspeakable evil. This would spell serious couch time for Luke if Star Wars took this twisted turn on an alternate ending.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Retro Video of the Day - So Long

There are many songs (and groups for that matter) from the 80s that may have flew under the radar in North America while enjoying decent success in other countries. Fischer-Z was one of those groups and "So Long" was one of those songs.


Fischer-Z was formed in 1979 in Britain and released nine albums until their split in 2002. The founder and lead singer, John Watts went on to do some solo stuff but never reached the same level of success he did with Fischer-Z.


Though they had some hits in the U.K., Portugal, Belgium and Germany, their biggest success was in Australia with a couple of top 20 hits including the song "So Long". It was this success that has confused some to thinking they were actually an Australian band.


The video below for "So Long" featured some classic 80s video standards like bad lip syncing, misty atmospheric vibe, a cheap Humphrey Bogart look-a-like, and cheesy interpretation of the story line. Having said that - that's what made the videos from the 80s so memorable.


One other interesting note - John Watts lyrics were heavily influenced from his experiences as a mental health care worker. Kind of explains the pain you feel in the lyrics when you listen to this one. Seriously under-rated track from way back.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Way They Was (Part 2)

Continuing where we left off from Part 1, lets continue our look at how some celebrities looked when they were younger. In some cases you can see they've aged gracefully, others - not so much. You can also tell which have a team of plastic surgeons on their payrolls. I'll leave it up to you to determine which group each star falls into.

As I mentioned in my original post, if you invest thousands of dollars on cosmetic surgery, work out all day and have an army of personal trainers and private chefs cooking succulent, low carb meals - you better be tight abbed, ripped with buns of steel, a perfect complexion, perky breasts that can repel shrapnel and flowing, shiny hair that can cause rainbows to spontaneously appear when you walk into a room.............. just sayin'.
Nicole Kidman
What goes better with pasty white skin than red curly hair? How about a tan? She's obviously very pretty but get out in the sun once in a while - it won't kill you. It's not like it gives you cancer..........oh wait - nevermind.
Sara Jessica Parker
Ok seriously, has this girl ever looked good? How does she snag all the beauty product endorsements? How does she continue to get roles? How does she not get hunted down by zombie fearing citizens? I'm not saying I'm God's gift to the opposite sex, but I'm pretty damn sure if I put on a dress and shaved my head I'd still be getting hit on more than her. Not that I'd really want to test that theory, but you get the point.
Kiefer Sutherland
One thing is certain, Kiefer knew how to rock the 70s porno stache back in the day. Jack Bauer would probably have killed porno stached Kiefer if he ever ran into him since he looks kind of suspicious and creepy, but then again that's more than enough for Jack to go all Rambo on you.

Kylie Minogue
Kylie certainly looks a lot different than she did in 1987. Looking at her, it seems pretty obvious where Pete Burns from Dead or Alive gets his inspiration from when he sees his plastic surgeon. Too bad his doctor sucks in a fierce way.
George Michael
Before Georgie Boy was getting caught in men's rooms doing naughty things with undercover cops, George Michael made all the ladies scream as one half of Wham! Safe to say that George, like his music, is looking (and sounding) better with age.